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Writer's pictureSilvana Luoni

Thin Line Between Loyalty & Lust - Pt. I



beautiful black woman

If there’s anything that I can recall from my first relationship, that boy always had me on the verge of life or death. Rather that be metaphorically or literally, he kept me on a thrill that I couldn’t escape. The idea of me being in love with him was in actuality my affair with being on edge. Initially it was constant battles with bitches he’d be creeping with, but then it turned into being the girlfriend of a hated hustler. After the transition of my boyfriend’s father, he had to step up and become the man of the house. Although he came from a house of dealers, his siblings and even his own mother, they relied on him to now sit in that seat. His uncle upstate fronted him some work to move back in Maryland but he was only used to moving at most a couple of zips. His eyes had only ever laid upon a pound, never his hands, but before him was five of em. He knew coming back home he had to ask for help to get it off, but he contemplated on which extended hands to take in. On one hand, he had his mother, sister, her boyfriend, and his two closest friends, Don and Tez. On the other, he still had his mother and sister, but in addition were three random niggas he knew from uptop around his way. When he asked for my opinion I told him off rip that I didn’t trust them other niggas, and that he needed to stick to what he knew. But just like any other regular nigga he did what he wanted to do, and said fuck moving with family and moved with them random niggas.


Unbeknownst to my boyfriend, one of the niggas wasn’t that much of a random to me — unless you’d group him in with the other random niggas that be in my dms, which you could. The dude name was Gee and I only ever knew him from being uptop when I’d get out of school. Mind you, uptop was also a shopping center where all the high schoolers and alumnis would be at after the school let out, so it wasn’t a surpise he was up there even though he wasn’t a student anymore. If I’m not mistaken, I believe the nigga got expelled. But anyway, he found me on Twitter and didn’t hesitate too long after to find his way in my private messages. I told him off rip that he knew who my nigga was and that I wasn’t on that, but it never stopped him from sending unsolicited compliments. I couldn’t deny the man was smooth with his words, but nothing in me could betray the same man who was betraying me. So I really didn’t want anything to ever come up knowing he’d be working with my nigga now.


In the beginning everything was copacetic, money wise at least. On the finanicial side of things shit was moving accordingly, but our relationship was at the beginning of its end. Looking back, it had to be the band he was bringing in every other day gasing his head up, that was a lot for a nigga that was barely legal. Although catching him cheating with my friends was frequent, it was only around this time would I find out he had sex with one of my closest friends on the morning of my birthday. That was a different kind of pain that my young brain couldn’t comprehend yet.

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